I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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