My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
