is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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