So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
