Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize