Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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