That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The feeling are messing with the penis
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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