Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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