i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
