your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
