The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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