he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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