Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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