It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
