um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I got inside last night via doggy door
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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