Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
