you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
