Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
