Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
