I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it was like eating out sand paper
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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