pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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