He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
