I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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