I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
