i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
