too bad you live with your parents still
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
