Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
