Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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