Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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