so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
