i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
