We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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