dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
