I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
