Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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