I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
