I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
