And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
