Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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