I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
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i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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