im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
