So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
