areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
