Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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