there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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