we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You are the jesus of drinking
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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