ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
