Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We're too hungover to prance.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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