So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
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he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
And then he peed in my hair
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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