If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
