I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
