Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
