Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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