I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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