She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
