I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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