I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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