sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
