Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
