i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
