I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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