Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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