so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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