Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
