I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
