Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
