my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
