capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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