I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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