you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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