forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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